f.e.a.r: forget everything and run or face everything and rise?

We all need to feel in control of our lives. I guess that need of control is what makes me fear flying on airplanes. As soon as I walk in and sit squeezed in the chair, every little noise is amplified. The engines, the brakes, the wings changing position, the captain’s voice and the breathing of everyone around me. Everything smells like peanuts. 

All I can focus on is when I will be able to walk out that door and step on firm ground. It has been like this for years. I know when I am inside the aircraft I have no control of what is about to happen and I need to trust other people.

I believe I have been lucky enough to fly with nice and warm crew members, that always offer a smile or some words of reassurance when I start to hyperventilate in my seat. 

The funniest story I have to tell was during a flight going from NYC to Orlando. I was on my own with four little kids. The sky seemed to match my mood: dark and filled with gray shadows. It started to rain right before we stepped on the plane. We tried to find our seats, my daughter Julia and I were sitting in row 10. She took the window, I sat in the middle (already sweating) and a young man sat in the aisle. My son Rafael and his friend sat in the row right behind us. 

Things were getting ugly outside and as the pilot started the engines. I could see the angry clouds moving quickly. As the plane jolted forward the flight attendants started to give us the safety demonstration. I paid attention and followed every step shown on our security cards. I looked below my seat to make sure the floating vests were there in case I needed them, and then looked above me to inspect where the masks would be ready to pop out. I counted all the exits. I think I was never able to pay so much attention through all my school years.

And here we go. The plane wobbles to one side and the other. Up and then down and tears roll down my face. The kids stare at me. I can’t hold it. Im shaking. The man next to me made the mistake of making eye contact and I asked: “would you please talk to me?” The flight attendants saw my outburst too but walked on to take their seats. The man humored me. We chatted about kids, work, and places. I sobbed. He held my hand. The entire flight.

Plane on the ground, I dried my tears and left the plane blotchy-eyed and embarrassed. I was thankful for the gentleman and at the same time hoped I would never see him again. The kids laughed. 

Months later, I went to the local supermarket and as I waited in line I heard a “Hello, weren’t you on the American flight from NYC to Orlando?” from behind me. My kids could not contain themselves and burst out laughing. I, on the other hand, was paralized. How likely is that I would be recognized by my panic attack?

I thanked him, once again, and tried to leave before my children could capitalize on my humiliation. But I had to wonder, how will I possibly conquer my fears?

I have tried everything, apps on my phone, meditation, yoga, walking in the aisle, I even downloaded Captain Tom Bunn’s SOAR Program for people with flight anxiety. Some of you might not know this, but you can find apps on your phone for this. You can then show the flight attendant a little message on the app that reads: 

Dear Passenger Service Agent. This person is taking the SOAR fear of flying program which is installed in this unit. Meeting the captain is the single most important help in dealing with flight anxiety…. 

Once you show this message to the crew, you get VIP treatment like you’re a 5-years-old. You are taken to the cockpit to meet and greet the captain, and after introducing himself, he explains what is going to happen in the flight. If you are in the flight with me, you will probably notice that the captain will also talk a lot and let you know miles ahead when the flight will be bumpy. 

Unfortunately, there is no VIP treatment for the global pandemic. There is no little card to show everyone around you that you are scared and don’t know what to do. For many of us, we feel that our control has completely washed away; we are unable to grasp anything anymore. Our jobs, our families, our daily routines; they have all been turned upside down. 

I can only imagine from my seat, the lack of stability and control in the COVID-19 pilot’s cabin. The nurses, doctors, grocery store workers, delivery guys. These pilot’s exchange messages with the tower, and no one knows what to do … Should we land? Should we return? Should we head to the nearest airport and try to escape all of this? 

As we all share this storm, from all different seats, I am still reassured. I see empathy and people working together. I see encouragement and clapping and Zoom calls to our loved ones. That is our way to keep some control in this situation. We can’t keep the plane from hitting the clouds, but we can share our love and understanding, even from a distance.